After years of being made to feel that I was worthless and my sole purpose on earth was to please men, it's no wonder that some of my core beliefs are that I'm unlovable and undeserving of good things. It's taken me a long time to work through these beliefs and there's still more work that needs to be done. In this video, I discuss how important other people have been in this portion of my healing journey. But that required me letting good people into my life and not pushing them away.
Most of my traumas involved being hurt by other people, so it's no wonder that I responded by not allowing people to get too close to me for most of my life. It's only been in recent years that I've allowed people to get close to me. It hasn't been until recently that I've found that people can love me without me having sex with them, and even with my jagged edges from years of trauma.
In this video, I discuss a particularly important friendship that has been critical in my healing journey. I hope it...
This video was difficult for me. I knew I would need to hold back tears and I knew it would require an immense amount of vulnerability for me to open up about things that cause me to feel shame.
In this video, I discuss my struggles over the past few months with my PTSD symptoms flaring up and my difficulty coping. I wish trauma healing followed a linear path, but that's not how it, or life, works. Everything in life has ups and downs.
If you're currently in a similar situation, I hope this video lets you know that you're not alone and gives you ideas for how to get through this difficult period. As I keep reminding myself, just keep holding on until this period of turbulence ends because it will. Spring always follows winter and day always follows night.
I continue to practice a variety of tools to get me through this rough patch. I detailed most of them in my book, Transformation After Trauma: Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth. Sign up here to begin reading the Introduction and...
Promiscuity is common among victims of sexual violence. In this video, I discuss how I broke this habit, in case it'll give you ideas on how to break the habit if you're also struggling with this same issue.
Victims of sexual violence often struggle with low self-esteem, self-hatred, and shame. I know these feelings well and detail the tools I used to work through them in my book, Transformation After Trauma: Embracing Post-Traumatic Growth. Sign up here to begin reading the Introduction and Chapter 1 for free: serotinouslife.com/transformation-after-trauma-book
If you want to read or listen to the full book, you can find the ebook, audiobook, and paperback on Amazon: amazon.com/dp/1950336204
One of my clients recently asked me how to find joy in little things, and in people and processes she doesn't particularly like. I had to spend time reflecting on why I'm so joyous and how I'm able to find joy in the smallest things. What I determined is that feeling joy is a choice I've made. I never wanted my abusers and the numerous disgusting people in this world to steal my joy from me. I considered practicing joy and being happy when others tried to steal it from me as an act of defiance and made me feel like I was winning the battle.
What I realized is that finding joy requires practice and when practiced often it becomes a habit and doesn't require much thought. But if not practiced for a period, the habit can be broken. In my mid-twenties I experienced a particularly severe bout of depression. I can easily say that happened not just because of the circumstances in my life but because of what I was focusing on. I stopped focusing on the beauty in every moment and when that...
Humans are the only creatures on Earth that will do less than they're capable of doing. Organisms like trees don't have a brain, so they operate based on directions from their genes and surroundings. Most animals don't have a brain large enough to allow them to do anything other than operate on instinct. But humans on the other hand, with our large and beautifully complex brains, can override our natural instincts by the stories we tell ourselves.
In this video, I discuss our potential for resilience. We have two choices when we experience trauma, to curl up in a ball and wait for death or to figure out a way to move forward with the life we still have. The difficulty that some people have is that their negative self-talk and limiting beliefs cause them to think that they don't have options and their suffering will only end in death.
I hope this video will cause you to reflect on how your negative self-talk and limiting beliefs may be hindering you. I also hope it causes you to...
The process of setting goals and taking action toward those goals requires vulnerability, patience, persistence, and determination. Life will always throw obstacles in your path, that's just the kind of world we live in.
In this video, I discuss how the recent bushwhack (hiking without a trail) I did provided me with a lot of good reminders and opportunities for reflection on the obstacles I'm going to continue to face on the way to reaching my goals. It also provided me a reminder of the feelings I'm going to face on the way to reaching my goals like vulnerability, fear, and that I'm all alone on my journey.
I'm hopeful this video will give you something to think about when you reach an obstacle. Will you turn back, stay where you are, or will you find a way to maneuver around the obstacle?
If you have a goal you want to reach, but you're having difficulty in reaching it, I'd love to help you devise a plan to overcome your greatest obstacle in a 2-hour strategy session: ...
Whenever you say, "Yes" to one thing, you're automatically saying "No" to another. When I decided to say "Yes" to growing my business so I could pursue it full-time, I had to decide what I was going to say "No" to in order to make it work. I decided to say "No" to hiking, at least as much as I had been, even though it is something I enjoy.
In this video, I discuss how sacrifices must be made for any type of goal you're looking to achieve; whether that goal is to leave your house, go back to school, or start a new relationship. Prioritization is important. Hiking is important to me, but it's not essential for me to reach the ultimate vision I have for my life and my legacy.
I'm hopeful this video will cause you to reflect on what you'll need to say "No" to so you can say "Yes" to the life you desire and deserve.
If you want additional tools for reaching your goal, I encourage you to read or listen to my book, Reclaim Your Life After Trauma: The Power of Goal Setting. Whether your goal...
I've always been criticized for being a dreamer, an idealist, and too big for my britches. Between these relentless criticisms and sexual violations throughout my life by multiple people it's been hard to stay gritty and foster the fighter in me so I can keep going.
In this video, I discuss how I've begun dating again after being single for the past two years. Dating has caused me to reflect on what's important to me in a life partner, and really any significant relationship in my life. One thing I've determined is that it's essential to find a partner who's supportive of my goals and has goals of his own. I'm very ambitious and it's important for me to also be with someone who's ambitious, even if it's in different ways than I am. It's difficult for someone to understand others who have passion and drive to pursue a goal when they don't have passion and drive themselves.
I also discuss how problematic the need for external validation can be, especially when you're looking to get it...
I was recently cleaning my windows and I was shocked to see the difference between the two in front of my kitchen sink when I was done cleaning the first one (image shown in the video below). It was amazing the clarity, detail, and beauty I could see through the now clear glass. It has made me reflect on all the times the ways I was looking at myself, another person, a situation, or my past may have been clouded and I didn't realize there was residue altering my ability to see the situation or person clearly. It has caused me to reflect on how my life has changed every time I've shifted my perspective or how I've remained stuck when I refused to change my perspective.
In this video, I discuss the relationship between these windows, reframing (shifting perspective), and trauma healing. I also read a section of my book, Reclaim Your Life After Trauma, where I discuss reframing and how it allows us to look at ourselves and circumstances through a different set of glasses.
As I often tell my clients, "Trauma doesn't disappear when you ignore it." Of course they don't want to hear this. I can always tell they know it's true, but they don't want to give up the hope that ignoring their pain will make it disappear.
We all do this; we just have different ways of pushing our pain aside. Some of us overwork, overexercise, overeat, overconsume TV or social media, indulge in idle chit-chat and gossip, use drugs, drink alcohol, or smoke cigarettes and sometimes we engage in multiple forms of distractions and numbing to push our pain aside. But it never works. We may get relief for a moment, but our pain is always there to tap us on our shoulder and remind us that it hasn't gone anywhere. So, we continue to try to push it away, often to the point when multiple aspects of our life begin to suffer (e.g., health, finances, career, relationships).
It's understandable why we avoid our pain. As the name implies, it hurts. However, moving beyond our pain requires moving...