Choosing Myself Again: Healing, Change, and What’s Next

A few days ago, I stood in front of Dingmans Falls — the second-highest waterfall in Pennsylvania — and recorded a video I didn’t expect to make.

It wasn’t scripted. It wasn’t polished. It was just real.

In that video, I talk about:

• The years I spent hurting my body and why I’m choosing to stop

• My decision to test out the digital nomad lifestyle starting in mid-May, not July as I accidentally say in the video!

• The grief of letting go of dreams that don’t serve me anymore (like climbing big mountains)

• What I’m learning as I shift from fear-driven living to healing-led living

💬 I’ve decided that this chapter of my life is about coming home to myself.

If you’re curious about what that looks like in practice, I invite you to watch this 8-minute reflection — filmed in a moment of clarity, change, and calm.

🎥 Watch the video below. A modified written version of the video can be found at the end of this article.

If this message resonated with you…
If you’re in your own season of healing or transition…
If you’re not quite sure what’s next but you know what’s no longer working…

👉 Email me: [email protected]
I read every message, and I’d love to hear from you.

More offerings to support your healing journey are coming soon — but for now, I just want to meet you here. In the becoming.

With love,
Stephanie

MODIFIED VIDEO TRANSCRIPT

Hi, I haven’t recorded a video like this in a long time, but today felt like the right time.

I’m currently exploring the two highest waterfalls in Pennsylvania, and right now, I’m standing in front of the second-highest — Dingmans Falls. It’s absolutely stunning. And honestly, it’s also the perfect metaphor for life and how it’s always changing.

Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about the changes I’ve gone through… and the suffering I’ve experienced from clinging to a past I can never return to. A past I wish had never happened. And also a future I keep imagining — one that may or may not ever unfold.

I’ve been reflecting on how often I squander the present. How I let moments of happiness slip away because I’m too wrapped up in regret or fear.

So I’ve been working hard to ask myself:
“What do I actually want my life to look like — if it’s not being driven by insecurity or the need to prove I’m enough?”

And one thing I always come back to, in every season of my life, is travel.
I’ve already set foot on six continents, and there are so many more countries and experiences I want to explore. I’ve been asking myself:
How can I live a life where I’m truly free to explore the world — not for show, but for meaning?

So I’ve decided: I’m going to test out the digital nomad lifestyle this year.

Starting in mid-May (I accidentally say July in the video — but it’s May!), I’ll be traveling for 4 months across five countries in Asia. I’ll also be visiting the last four U.S. states I’ve never been to. I’m excited — but this decision has come after some really hard inner work.

These past few months, I’ve been working through the things that have held me back… and will continue to hold me back unless I face them.

One of the biggest things I’ve had to face is my eating disorder.

I’ve lived with bulimia for 30 years. I’m 42 now, and it began when I was just 12 — during the worst period of sexual abuse I endured. That abuser, at that time, was the cruelest of them all.

Even though that abuse ended a long time ago, I continued it in my own way. I carried it on. I’ve said more hateful things to my body than all of my abusers combined. And I’ve done more harm to myself than anyone else ever could.

But I’ve been doing the work to change that.

I’ve been trying to finally listen to my body. To stop fighting it. To stop punishing it. To let it rest when it needs rest. To nourish it — not by rules, but by listening.

And as part of that shift, I’ve also had to grieve a dream. I recently found out just how bad the degeneration in my spine really is. When I saw the imaging, I knew immediately that I’d have to give up climbing big mountains. That was devastating.

Mountains have been a driving force in my life — literal and metaphorical ones. I trained hard, physically and mentally, to pursue them. And I held on, even when my body was begging me to stop.

But now, I’m choosing to open that space and give it back… to me.

Instead of pushing harder, I’m listening deeper.
Instead of striving, I’m allowing.
Instead of proving, I’m choosing.

I’m choosing a life that brings joy, purpose, and presence — one that won’t hurt me to live.

And I want to bring you along.

Over the coming weeks and months, I’ll be sharing more videos, reflections, and new offerings — so that I can continue supporting people like you, even as I travel.

If you’re in a season of change, or burnout, or healing… you’re not alone.
You deserve to choose yourself, too.