The Hidden Cost of People-Pleasing — and the Freedom of Radical Transparency

For years, I thought being strong meant being agreeable.
I said “yes” when I wanted to say “no.”
I smiled when I was breaking inside.
And I learned to perform “I’m fine” so well that even I started to believe it.

In my recent interview on the Victim 2 Victor Podcast with Anu Verma, I shared how people-pleasing and overachievement often mask unresolved trauma—and what it really takes to live honestly in a world that rewards pretending.

We talked about the emotional toll of performing for approval, the cost of staying silent, and the courage it takes to finally tell the truth—to yourself and to others.

From Perfectionism to Radical Transparency

For a long time, I equated perfection with safety.
If I could just do everything right, I thought maybe I could finally earn love and acceptance. But instead, perfectionism became its own form of prison—a way to outrun my pain that only kept me trapped in it.

Through healing, I learned that authenticity isn’t a single act of courage. It’s a practice of choosing truth—over and over again—even when it costs you relationships, approval, or comfort.

Learning to Set Boundaries Without Apology

One of the most transformative parts of my journey has been learning to say no without guilt.
Like many in trauma recovery, I was taught that keeping the peace was more important than keeping myself intact. But peace built on silence isn’t peace—it’s self-abandonment.

In the episode, I share practical ways to begin setting boundaries that honor your energy and integrity without apology. Because the moment you stop performing, you start healing.

High-Functioning Trauma and the “I’m Fine” Mask

When I was at my most broken, I looked like I had it all together.
I smiled. I achieved. I excelled.
And I was falling apart quietly.

That’s what high-functioning trauma looks like—it hides behind success, achievement, and resilience. It convinces you that if you just keep going, you can outrun your pain. But true healing begins when you stop running and start listening.

Living See Through

This conversation with Anu reminded me that the work of authenticity is never finished. We’re always learning how to see ourselves more clearly and let others see us too.

If you’ve ever felt like you’re too much or not enough, I hope this episode reminds you that your scars don’t make you broken—they make you whole.

You don’t have to earn your right to heal. You only have to stop pretending that you don’t need to.

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🎧 Watch or listen to the full episode on your favorite podcast app. Season 2, episode 85, published on October 23, 2025.

📘 Preorder my new book, See Through, or download a free sample:
serotinouslife.com/see-through